Nightmare Realization Acceptance
by Immortelle Stalker
Summary: A call of his name woke him up from a dreaded dream, but even his waking hours were tormented. Who would wake up Kaidoh from his living nightmare? InuKai CHAPTER 2
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Nightmare  
**by Immortelle Stalker

Stings of pain traveled along his nerves as his short nails dug on his palm from too much clenching. Waves of silent curses escaped his lips by means of hisses and huffs. Kaidoh motioned to glance at his right hand. There were small red marks that stung, but was not painful enough for someone as self-abusive as Kaidoh to fully acknowledge. He clenched his hand again, this time with more force. Anger. Frustration. Why? Why can't he seem to do the shots that were once so easy for him? The Snake. Buggy Whip Shot. Whatever people like to call it, why can't he do it anymore? His training was supposed to make him more adept. However, when he tried his swings earlier, he was nothing.

It was too much for Kaidoh. Unknowingly, he flung his right arm towards the wall, his knuckles clearly hitting the cold cement. It took a while before the skin in his knuckles broke out and blood contentedly escaped his system. Shortly, he felt his knees growing numb. What is it this time? His knees eventually gave in and fell on the damp ground.

_This is not happening_, he thought frantically. Was the strenuous training taking its toll on his body? Though the human body is the most efficient "machine" in the world, the fact that it is still a "machine" lives on. There are limits to this machine, and choosing to cross this limits would only lead to sad suicide.

Kaidoh's injured hand crawled down towards the ground, his wound being tainted by bits of sand and dirt. He can't give up, not now. The team has an important tournament tomorrow. He imagined the faces that would look at him tomorrow when he fails his match. Being able to play his tennis and being great at it was the only reason why he even had acquaintances. Yes, acquaintances. Sometimes, he wondered if he can call his teammates as friends. He never hanged-out with them and rarely speaks even a word to them. People only liked Kaidoh because he was a good tennis player. During matches, they cheer for his victory just like any other Seigaku supporter. Not that the fact bothered him before, though. But then, a thought crossed his mind. Kaidoh without his tennis. What is left for others to like about him, then? He is just a scary, anti-social who does not even need to exert effort into scaring freshmen. No one really bothered to be Mamushi's friend.

The pained boy scrambled to his feet and ran as fast as he could. To where, he did not know yet. He just needed to exert energy to clear his mind. But even though he haven't ran that much yet, he can feel fatigue slowing him down. Kaidoh eventually stumbled to the ground; his whole body slumped on mud. Weakly, he raised himself with his left arm. His eyes fell upon a large rock in front of him. By impulse, he grabbed the rock with his free hand and knelt on the ground. His hand squeezed the rock hard and violently smashed it onto his service hand, the already wounded hand. Kaidoh led out an aggrieved scream that echoed across the place as he continued torturing his hand. The pain was nothing. His loss was everything.

Then, a voice yelled out his name. "Kaidoh!"

Kaidoh quickly jolted up on his bed, found himself gushing out a deep, anguished groan from his throat. Sweat filled his whole body, the beads trickling down his forehead as he led out jagged breaths. "A... Nightmare," he found himself say. It was only a nightmare, yet it is as if he can still feel the pain and torment. He quickly looked at his hand. No signs of wounds or bruises.

It was too much for Kaidoh. He hurriedly got up and did his morning routines mindlessly, even missing breakfast unintentionally. By the time he gathered his thoughts, he was already halfway near Seigaku. A furious hiss escaped his lips when he realized that he was getting hungry. He stopped by a grocery store before proceeding to Saturday practice.

-----

Seishun Gakuen tennis courts. The club had already been doing activities for about an hour. Inui stood near the freshmen while doing his usual data gathering. As his eyes scanned the courts behind his glasses, he quickly noticed something missing; a green bandana on the head of a certain second year. Inui fixed his glasses and looked at his watch. Kaidoh is an hour late. It was unusual for him to be late for practice, so he wrote down the data diligently. He might want to ask the viper's reason for being late after his forty laps around the court.

A few minutes later, Kaidoh appeared on the court absent-mindedly. Inui wrote something on his notebook and waited for the boy to pass near him. "Yo," Inui greeted briefly when Kaidoh did. But from the looks of Kaidoh, he was too preoccupied to hear Inui's greeting. Inui crossed his arms over his chest. Kaidoh neither is in a good nor bad mood today. A different expression was on his protégé's face, and Inui was quite unsure of it for the first time. He got his notebook and jotted down his observation. Shortly, he came to an inference. "Chance that Kaidoh Kaoru may be troubled... seventy three percent. That is not good." He closed the notebook with one hand. "Chance that Kaidoh is going to run laps around court. Calculating his tardy time... forty laps around the court, one hundred percent."

From the other side of the court, Inui heard Tezuka give out Kaidoh's punishment for being late; forty laps around the court. Kaidoh ran out of the court to endure his punishment without a sound. "Indeed, Kaidoh is not at his best today," Inui mumbled to himself.

Shortly after practice, Inui took one last look at the almost empty tennis court. There was no sign of Kaidoh anywhere. The little mamushi slipped out easily without anyone noticing. He fixed his glasses and went to look for him.

------

The riverside had always been a good training place for Kaidoh. Somehow, he liked the fresh and quiet atmosphere. But he loved the place most because people rarely go there. No one would interrupt his contemplation. With his racket still at hand, he relaxed a bit. It was good that he can still do his thing somehow. The nightmare remains as it is. But still, it kept bothering him. And for the first time since he can remember, Kaidoh felt lonely on his own.

Above the riverside, Inui gazed at Kaidoh from afar. His data served him right once again. Kaidoh usually goes to that part of the riverside alone. He had seen him before there more than once. Since then, he secretly observed Kaidoh from afar before going home. After all, training data was as important as match data. "Maybe I should just observe him here as usual," Inui muttered to himself. But then, he saw Kaidoh mashing his racket in his head.

"Kaidoh!" Inui yelled out of the blue. Kaidoh quickly turned to Inui's direction. Seeing his senpai, he almost dropped the racket on the ground. "S-senpai..." he hushed out with surprise.

Inui felt furious. He quickly got to Kaidoh and was fighting the urge to grab the viper's shirt and yell at his face. "What have I told you before, Kaidoh?" he said in all calmness and stern mixed.

Kaidoh lowered his head. Inui told him to stop inflicting pain on himself in return for giving him extra stamina training. Though Kaidoh was overwhelmed at Inui's concern, he didn't think that his senpai would still remember that until now. "Sumimasen, senpai." he hushed out weakly.

"A tennis racket should only be used for tennis." Inui began with his gaze fixed on Kaidoh. "If you're just going to use that to torture yourself then I'm afraid I'd have to break all of your rackets right here, right now." Inui slightly bit his lip at what he said.

Kaidoh didn't respond. He wondered what made Inui say those things all of a sudden. As far as he knew the senior, Inui rarely speaks his mind, not unless it is about tennis and his data. Though he told Kaidoh before to stop hurting himself, he figured that maybe it was just a senpai looking out for his kouhai and was nothing more than that. After a short while, he thought again that maybe it was the same thing now.

"Your forehead is sore," he heard Inui say. Kaidoh looked up to face Inui. His face was stoic, as usual. Inui brought his hand to Kaidoh's forehead to examine the sore, making the kouhai turn red in an instant. He quickly moved slightly away from Inui, his face still blushing. Inui lowered his hand. "We should put ice on it quickly. My house is nearer here than yours, so if you don't mind..."

"I-I'm okay," Kaidoh quickly answered, trying to maintain his coherency. But Inui ignored the answer and slowly walked away. "If you don't follow me, then I'd work up something that would make you drink a pitcher of my Super Deluxe Penal-Tea next practice." He called back to Kaidoh.

Kaidoh grumbled as he placed his hands inside his pockets and followed Inui. "Sadist," he mumbled out of annoyance. Knowing Inui, he can do his little blackmail even with his eyes closed.

-----

Inui's house was more neat and tranquil than his last visit. Kaidoh let his eyes roam the place as Inui led him up to his room. "Take your seat. I'll get some ice in the fridge," Inui called out to Kaidoh as he disappeared into the hallway. Kaidoh hissed slightly as he took a seat on Inui's bed. His eyes fell upon the orderly-arranged green notebooks beside Inui's computer. He narrowed his eyes to read the labels on the spine. On the fourth spine, Kaidoh Kaoru was scribbled on it. It made Kaidoh's cheeks blush bright again. Somehow, he felt that there was truly someone looking out for him. But when he turned to look at the remaining spines, his hopes sank in again. Inui observes and looks out for everyone, not only him. Heck, Inui might stop collecting data on him when he leaves the tennis club. If that happens, Kaidoh would be completely alone.

"I'm back,"

Kaidoh looked up and almost jumped back at the corner of the bed. Inui was stooped down in front of him, his face uncomfortably close to his. _W-when...? Wha... _Kaidoh thought in panic, his face flaming up from embarrassment. Either he was all-out absorbed in his thoughts or Inui had gained a new ability of appearing in front of people's faces as well.

Inui fixed his glasses. "You're looking a bit red. A fever, maybe? But judging from your body movements earlier, there is only a ten percent possibility," he placed his hand on Kaidoh's forehead to check his temperature. The poor boy could only wish for his body to evaporate and disappear forever, cursing his irrational reasons for Inui embarrassment. Inui's hand left Kaidoh and brought it to his glasses. "Hmm... No fever. This could only mean that you are embarrassed," he said in a straightforward manner. Kaidoh glared at his senpai and slightly moved away. _Tch, senpai and his data... Pfft_ He often felt annoyed at Inui for reading him so well without even talking to him. At the back of his mind, Kaidoh wished that Inui would just talk to him without his data blabber.

"Kaidoh," Inui began in a soft voice. "You seem troubled..."

Kaidoh looked at Inui with surprise. Not only is Inui missing his data analysis in that statement, but he asked it to him with concern. He gazed down, staring at his bare feet. As much as he wanted to tell him his troubles, Kaidoh's anti-social self kicked in mixed with his embarrassment. When he saw water drip on the floor, he quickly looked away. "The ice is melting..."

Inui quickly shifted his look on the ice bag. "Oh, sorry..." He opened the ice bag and added more ice. Then, he placed it over Kaidoh's bump. The sudden rush of cold over his warm skin made Kaidoh shiver a bit before adjusting to the new temperature. His forehead bump ached a bit from the feel of water. He wondered what could have happened if Inui wasn't there at the riverside. Maybe his forehead would be brutally bloody.

Inui was the first to break the silence between them. "Why did you hurt yourself again, Kaidoh?" He asked. "It is not good that you injure yourself when a much-awaited match is just around the corner,"

The last words sank in deep in Kaidoh's mind, then a pained chuckle echoed in. Inui was probably worried more about the effects of his gloominess on his upcoming match. It was silly of him to think and feel glad that Inui was actually... concerned about him. Not as kouhai. Not as a co-player. But as Kaidoh Kaoru. The grief was too much for him. "Why do you want to know, senpai?" he scowled with an untrusting face that took Inui aback.

It took a while for Inui to find his words. "Well..." he hushed out. "Your player condition dropped by forty-five percent, which is unhealthy and unfortunate for the upcoming match. You should consi—"

"That's it?!" Kaidoh cut off, his voice rough and disappointed. Inui lowered his hand and looked at Kaidoh with confusion. But then, he regained his stoicism with a quick fix of his glasses. "You seem to be looking for a more detailed reason, which is quite unlike you..."

Kaidoh bit his lip. He stood up and quickly left the room. But before he did, he called back to Inui, "Senpai, don't pry into my thoughts for superficial reasons like that." Then, he ran off.

"Kaidoh!" Inui called out, quickly following the boy. When he got downstairs, Kaidoh was already out of the house, leaving his tennis bag behind. Inui's shoulders slumped as he gazed at the tennis bag. "You might think I have lost my mind... But of course, there's more to my reason..." he said to himself. There is more to Inui and his concern for Kaidoh. He just couldn't find the rational words to describe how he feels. Judging from the unusual acting of Kaidoh, Inui figured that maybe it is about time to fully search the right words of explanation.

* * *

A/N: My first attempt at BL writing. Yes, my first. I've been reading a lot of BL stuff before, but I haven't tried writing one myself. Hope you like this, though. If there are still room for improvement, please let me know. ; It would be greatly appreciated. **KaidohxInui is sooo love.** :) 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Realization**

Three kilometers. Four kilometers. Kaidoh had kept his running pace since he ran out of Inui's house. Though he knew that his distance was far enough for his stupid senpai to catch him, the feeling of energy moving his body felt like tranquilizer for his anger. He stopped for a while to check if he was on the right track back home. Then, he sprinted again, not bothering to catch his breath. The early evening breeze was cool upon his sweat-filled body and was even cooler on the stinging lump on his forehead. Somehow, he could still feel the warm hand of Inui over his head and wished that it would be there again, bringing comfort to his whole being. But then again, he remembered what Inui was initially concerned with the most. Kaidoh longed for a friend, and his hopes of Inui being a friend at least were shattered. He meant nothing more for his senpai. _A shame_, he thought. _He meant much to me and I would do anything for him, even if it is disadvantageous for me._ Flashbacks of their match against Hyotei appeared in his mind. Then, there's rage.

As soon as he got to his house, Kaidoh absent-mindedly greeted his family and went straight to his room. He closed the door with a slam and leaned back on it. His body eventually slid down to settle on the floor while his tired breaths went in and out involuntarily. He considered changing his already sweat-soaked shirt, but the feeling of his body finally at rest kept him still, in spite of its awkward place in his room.

"_Kaidoh!" _Inui's voice replayed in Kaidoh's mind. Right, he heard Inui call him just when he dashed out of the house. For some unknown reason, the way Inui called out to him sounded vaguely familiar, as if he had heard it somewhere. "Kuso," he heard himself hush out. He was very exhausted already. Hopefully, the pressure he did to his body was enough for him not to think about what happened already. But all was not enough, it seemed so. So he managed to kneel down weakly, his breaths stable now. Then, he looked around in search of his tennis bag.

Nowhere.

"Shit," He scrambled to his feet and retraced the way he took in his mind, much to his dismay. Then, he remembered. He did feel a bit light while running earlier. Not only that, he ran out of Inui's house carrying nothing but himself.

Of all places! Now he had to go back to Inui's house to get his bag. Kaidoh quickly left the house without even dropping a word to his parents. He was not that far from his home when he remembered the fact that he was still angry at Inui. Kaidoh hissed and clenched his fist out of annoyance. He did not have any plans on facing Inui at that moment.

-----

"I see. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" Inui stood outside Kaidoh's house, facing the boy's mother. He gripped on the strap of Kaidoh's bag, awaiting a negative answer. Of course, the probability of Kaidoh's mother not knowing her son's whereabouts at the moment was a hundred percent. Inui did not need data to recognize the worried look on the mother's face. According to her, Kaidoh left about half an hour ago.

Inui lowered his head and looked at Kaidoh's bag in his hand. This, he knew, was partly his fault. It was his fault for being so cold, analytical and pretentious in the face of a troubled Kaidoh. Instead of saying what he really felt, what he really wanted to say, he allowed his logical mind to take over. _Stupid you_, thought Inui. Sometimes, logic needs to step aside for a while. That is why there are unexplainable things like feelings that cannot be simply answered by mere calculations. Inui wanted to gain access inside Kaidoh's secret data, the feelings and torments that he hid within himself. That was not for his data benefit. Rather, it was a benefit for himself and for Kaidoh as well. He wanted to know... if Kaidoh trusts him and would not reject this seemingly absurd feeling that he has for him. To heck with seemingly... It **was** absurd. When a man develops feelings for another man, then it **is** absurd!

In any case, if the guilt did not finish Inui off, then his overwhelming concern would. The data collector bowed down in front of Kaidoh's mother. "I will look for him. Please take his things for me," he handed the bag to her and then jogged away. He looked around the area, making sure he could see through every place where Kaidoh might be. The riverside was his first option, but when Inui got there, no one was there. He jogged along, looking out the stretch of land beside the water until he decided to stop. Still no sign of Kaidoh. He then went back, trying the route that Kaidoh uses whenever he goes jogging. If luck favored him, then Inui might just bump into Kaidoh, doing his usual jogging.

An hour had passed already, and Inui had covered Kaidoh's entire route. He felt desperate already, his breath coming out in pants from moving around too much. To make things worse, he felt a droplet of cold water on his head. And another one. Droplets moistened the road and eventually, a soft downpour fell. Still, Inui remained unmoved. His breaths were still heavy from both physical and mental work. _Kaidoh, where are you? _He slapped his face from frustration and felt his eyes go damp and warm. Where else would Kaidoh go? The two places where he had been already were off his list. But there was this gut feeling inside Inui, the riverside. But he already checked there, and Kaidoh was clearly not there.

"Inui?" a caring familiar voice called. Inui looked up and saw the vice-captain, Oishi. He had his bag over his head to shelter him from the drizzle. "Inui! Are you alright? You look tired," he asked worriedly, quickly dropping his bag on the ground. Inui nodded weakly without saying a word. "What are you doing here? You do realize that it's raining, right?" Oishi asked again.

Inui stayed silent for a while. "I'm... looking for someone," he eventually replied.

Oishi leaned closer. "Who? I can help you lo—"

"I can look on my own," Inui cut off. He stood straight and looked at Oishi. "I... have to look on my own or else I'd blame myself over and over again." Oishi looked up, unable to understand who Inui might be looking for. Inui looked slightly at his side. "I just can't understand. I don't know where to look anymore. And yet, there's this something inside telling me to go back to where I first started, even though I know for sure that I won't find anything there." Though his glasses hide his eyes, Oishi can see that Inui was in a deep and anxious thought.

Inui then felt Oishi's hand on his shoulder, a strong yet comforting tap on the shoulder. "Sometimes Inui, no matter how certain you are, you must always go back and see what you might have overlooked." Inui turned to Oishi in surprise. For someone who didn't know Inui's situation, Oishi flawlessly made him understand.

"Oishi..." Inui hushed out. The vice-captain smiled and took his hand off Inui's shoulder. "Well, you should see what you might have missed before this rain gets any worse," he said. Inui nodded and rushed to the riverside, calling out his thanks to Oishi. The vice-captain chuckled as he picked up his bag to cover his head again. "Well now, I wonder if this could exempt me from his horrid Inui Juices,"

_I have to make a new juice recipe as a token of thanks for Oishi this week._ Inui thought as he walked briskly along the riverside, making sure that he would not miss anything this time. The rain was getting stronger and colder, his whole body almost soaked. As he neared Kaidoh's usual spot, his eyes caught a figure in the river under the bridge. Inui's hopes flew up as he slid down to the riverside to take a closer look. He couldn't see the face clearly due to lack of light. Half of the figure's body was submerged underwater. Since the river was not that deep, Inui figured that the man might be seated on the ground at the bottom of the river. He walked along the shore without making a sound. When a light from a passing car came by, it shone on the boy's face for a short while.

"Kaidoh," Inui hushed out. It really was Kaidoh, and he might have been here all along. Inui was too occupied with looking along the shore earlier, overlooking the river itself.

---------

The evening was cold. It didn't have to get any colder. Stupid rain, why does it always rain when he doesn't need it? Kaidoh shivered as he clasped his arms around his legs, pulling them closer to him, hoping it would somehow warm him up. He could see ripples on the water coming from his body. The water was already cold when he got there, but he didn't mind. He wanted to soak his body underwater, an urge he suddenly had. But when it rained, he couldn't withstand the soaking cold on his body and the cold of rain washing from above his head. He weakly waded towards the shelter of the bridge and didn't move again. Kaidoh couldn't move anyway though he wanted to.

Feebly, he lifted his hands to remove his bandana. He untied the knot slowly and brought it in front of him. For a while, he looked at it. It got soaked from the rain and was heavier than usual. It made him remember the towel training with Inui. _Would you like to pair with me in doubles?_ Those words changed Kaidoh's life very much. Though he refused it at first, he regretted even thinking of refusing it afterwards. Their training together made them closer to each other, and that doubles match taught Kaidoh how to trust other people. Though it was for the sake of their tennis, Kaidoh never felt alone with Inui again. He felt... at ease, being with someone and not off somewhere by himself.

"Inui-senpai," Kaidoh hushed out, unable to contain himself. Feeling the cold biting his skin again, he encircled his arms around his knees, letting his bandana dip on the water. Who knows, if it absorbs much water, he might swing it like what he did with the towel.

"Should I be happy that you thought of me all of a sudden?" Kaidoh quickly looked up, his eyes meeting those ever so familiar glasses. Inui stood just outside the shelter of the bridge, his clothes completely soaked from the rain. "Inui-senpai..." his rough voice was shaky and weak. The kouhai lowered his head and looked away. "You idiot..." he cursed under his breath, but Inui heard it clearly. The senpai accepted the comment since he knew how he deserved that. But he looked at Kaidoh's eyes when he spoke again. "Look at you! You're a soaking mess... What are you doing walking around at this weather?!"

Kaidoh then felt Inui move closer and settled beside him. Though Kaidoh still felt angry at his senpai, the fact that he couldn't move anymore made him stay put beside him. _Now he did it_, thought Kaidoh. _He made me angrier by walking around under this rain... _"Go home, senpai..."

But Inui did not move. He lowered his head and looked at the rocks and stones under the water. "I'm sorry, Kaidoh," he hushed out. He felt the kouhai's eyes on him, but he did not raise his head. "From now on, I will be totally honest with you..."


End file.
